• Journal
  • About Ryan
  • Inspiration & Resources
  • Advising
  • Contact
Menu

nurture theory

Street Address
City, State, Zip
Phone Number
Explorations in leading creative people

Your Custom Text Here

nurture theory

  • Journal
  • About Ryan
  • Inspiration & Resources
  • Advising
  • Contact

How To Wake-up From The Matrix

January 27, 2022 Ryan Wines

As I type this, I’m on a three-day solo retreat in the Columbia River Gorge. It’s an annual ritual I’ve developed over the years to find some space, reflect, reset and redefine my habits, goals and intentions for the year ahead. 

In other words, it’s how I wake-up from The Matrix – the mindless trance most of us are trapped inside of, due to a constant deluge of inputs, feeds, streams and the nonstop stimulus to our souls. Thanks to works like Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport, I’ve become acutely aware of how humans aren’t good at slowing down, being quiet and embracing the wonders of solitude. Some have even argued solitude is becoming extinct. 

To be clear, taking long walks with your earbuds in isn’t solitude. Long drives while listening to music, podcasts or audiobooks isn’t solitude either. Spending a lazy Saturday afternoon alone on the couch while binge-watching Friends or soccer isn’t solitude. Enjoyable? Sure. Solitude? No way. 

Solitude is best defined as “freedom from inputs from other minds.” Props to Georgetown University Professor and leading thinker on minimalism, Cal Newport, for distilling it. In his research, Newport discovered regular doses of solitude are crucial for the effective and resilient functioning of your brain. 

During my annual retreat ritual, I block out all possible distractions and inputs, reflecting and thinking deeply about who I am, who I want to be, and getting clear about what really matters. I do some pen-to-paper exercises around what worked and what didn’t work during the past year. Perhaps you’ve heard of the “Start/Stop/Continue” framework? Just as important as finding some big, game-changing ideas, it’s equally important to look for opportunities to say no and simply create more open space…to think. 

While on retreats I prioritize sleep, I run and hike and soak or perhaps get a massage. It’s quiet time. Alone time. Solitude. It’s a rare opportunity to slow down, look out at the horizon and think deeply. 

I also try to build-in smaller, abbreviated versions of this practice during my regular days and weeks – and that’s helpful too. But it’s not the same. Three solid days away provides the ideal situation for me to go deep. Perhaps it’s not too different from Bill Gates “Think Weeks.” 

We aren’t really using our brains while we’re receiving all those inputs – and we’re practically getting them 24/7. Believe it or not, you’re not getting that much smarter while doing all that reading, podcasting, and binge-watching, either. Sure, you’re learning a few things. And perhaps it’s enjoyable. But be honest with yourself – you’re not exactly thinking deeply or wrestling with any of it. 

The real question to ask is, what are you doing with all of the information you’re taking in? What are all of these inputs and information doing for your life? What’s the tangible impact?  Stop lying to yourself. Show me. 

Furthering this modern mental epidemic is what we’re doing in the margins – those little blips of time in between things. I’m talking about virtually anytime we're waiting, in the bathroom, before and after meetings and calls, or perhaps whenever we feel that little buzz in the pocket. Our “margin time” is being mindlessly co-opted by our devices, feeds, news and social media trash. If you feel me, you’re in the matrix. 

To truly flex that supercomputer between your ears, you need solitude. There’s no way around it. 

Quiet. Stillness. No inputs. And most importantly, you need the quiet time and space to consider, contemplate, try-on, and wrestle with ideas, dreams, beliefs, conflicts, and those big, important life questions like “who am I?” and “what do I want to accomplish this year?”

The only way to truly experience real, deep thinking is to turn off all inputs. Period. 

Franciscan monk and author, Richard Rohr, said it best, “In our busy, frenetic world, it’s easy to slip into a mode of living that looks and feels a lot like autopilot. We go through the motions, move through our calendars, and rinse and repeat each day.”

Now stop for a moment and imagine what life could look like if you actually had a plan. Consider what you could achieve if you set clear goals for your year. Think about the impact of having every hour of every day planned and accounted for, as a result of deep thought and intention. 

This doesn’t mean you can’t have a lazy Saturday afternoon binge-watching Friends or watching soccer. Everyone needs a few days like that, no doubt. It just means you’re doing that with intention and it’s part of your plan, not because you mindlessly ended up on the couch because you were feeling burnt-out and saw a meme on Instagram about self care.

A famous person once told me that every day when he wakes up, he sits on the edge of his bed for a minute and contemplates “who am I and what will I accomplish today?” I have to admit, I rolled my eyes when I heard that for the first time.

Then I got a little older and a little grayer.  And now I’ve more or less adopted that daily practice for myself, along with magic mornings. And guess what? It works. It all really works.

There’s many ways to do this kind of work. My mentor, Mario Schulzke, has a 600 square-foot log cabin in deep, rural Montana. Nothing fancy. No electricity. No running water.  The only possible distractions are weather and bears. That’s solitude. Another mentor of mine, Chris Corbin, has an old Toyota pickup truck and pulls a simple fiberglass row boat behind it. Nothing fancy. And wherever he floats, he finds solitude, and thinks deeply about life, love, work… and bull trout.

Solitude provides the opportunity for deep thought, critical thinking and resilient brain function. Which allows for the forging of one’s own beliefs, intentions and specific plans. Followed by healthy habits and steady practice, leads to action. Which leads to impact. Which leads to meaning and feelings of joy and gratitude. Which wakes you up from the matrix. 

RW

In Decision Making, Healthy Work Habits, Leadership, Mindset, Optimism, Vulnerability, Work Life, Healthy Habits, Solitude, Deep work, Deep thinking, Cal Newport, The Matrix Tags self-care, solitude, mindfulness, protect your mind, be quiet, choice, growth, habitual, healthy habits, deep work, deep thought, deep thinking, critical thought, critical thinking, brain, motivation, nurture theory, optimism, podcasts, quality of life, sabbatical, truth, vision, values, beliefs, w, worklife, retreats, cal newport, digital minimalism, richard rohr, the matrix, matric, matrix
Comment

Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life…is bullsh*t

January 1, 2020 Ryan Wines
dowhatyoulove.jpg

Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life…is bullsh*t

Recently, a friend of mine, Brianne Mees — brilliant leader and co-founder of Tender Loving Empire — shared something with me that’s been on my mind ever since.  She explained that, in her opinion, the popular saying, “do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life” is bullshit. It’s a fantasy and a lie that’s misled and confused an entire generation of young people — many of whom are entering the workforce right now. Brianne explained that to truly find, pursue and live one’s passion, there will always be a counterweight of pain and suffering. It’s unavoidable. If you’re able to find your passion, and if you’re able to actually do your passion as your main gig or career, or even as a side hustle, you’d sure as heck better expect there will be some suffering, storms, a LOT of hard work, and some seasons of deep, dark adversity, too. 

This counterweight concept Brianne shared has no doubt been true in my own life. And I’ve yet to read a single biography or hear from someone I know who’s successful and “loves what they do” that doesn’t have the ever-present counterweight of suffering as a constant factor in their story. There’s no way around it.

Thinking on more of a meta-level, I wonder if any measure of greatness or success is achievable without the counterweight? I ask this because I’m surprised by how often I encounter people who seem to expect to achieve success or greatness without the counterweight. It’s as if they truly believe that silly saying.

I see it most frequently in 20-somethings navigating the beginnings of their career, who after a year or two in an entry-level role, complain that their work is mundane or unsatisfying, and express frustration when a promotion doesn’t happen as quickly as they want. They either get impatient and jump ship after a year or two… or sometimes they just get increasingly louder, voicing their complaints and frustrations more and more until it breeds negativity and some kind of intervention is needed.

While I truly love the drive and the fire in the belly these types of people exhibit, I’m fascinated by the on-demand, instant gratification mindset and pain-free expectations so many seem to live by. It’s as if some can’t fathom the thought of taking two, three, or more years to learn, develop, and deeply master a role before moving on to something else. There’s a desire and expectation to have it all right now, unwilling to slow down to take the time and walk through the fire and experience some adversity — these are prerequisites to grow and rise to any real level of success and achievement. It’s as if some weren’t anticipating any pain or discomfort along the way. They’re unaware of the counterweight. My colleague at Marmoset, Rachel Schmidt, likes to remind me of this quote: “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.”

“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” - Thomas Edison

The truth of the matter is, there are no shortcuts. There’s no express route or fast lane to achieving great things, whether in a career or a side hustle. And there’s no way to avoid the pain and suffering that happens along the way either — which sometimes means enduring a role for a while that may feel mundane or isn’t very challenging. It’s all connected and part of the journey. This is the nature of life. The uncomfortable part that may be frustrating or painful is often, in hindsight, a necessary chapter in everyone’s story. It may not make sense while you’re in the middle of it… but upon reflection years later, I almost always find that there was something beneficial that needed to be learned, no matter how painful or how dark the experience may have been. That’s my story. And as a leader, I see too many young people start out on their path, and when the journey gets long… when it gets hard and isn’t fun… when pain and suffering occur… they so quickly get bummed-out, frustrated, discouraged and impatient — and don’t have reasonable expectations about what it takes. They haven’t prepared for the counterweight, so they hit the eject button.

Even worse — after you hit the eject button a couple of times, you risk losing the power of resiliency — the most critical power to develop and master in order to achieve what you want to achieve in life.

My friend and peer mentor, Mario Schulzke, recently shared an essay about his passion project. You can read about it here. Most fascinating to me, he reflected upon the ten years he’s been pursuing this particular passion, and he confessed it’s been about 51% fun and about 49% terrible. Whoa.

Mario explained how mundane and hard his passion project has been, and how at times he’s felt completely stuck. Yet he sticks with it and he finds a way to appreciate, and sometimes even love the process. Mario knows the counterweight quite well. A German immigrant raised by a single parent and meager means, he’s been mindful of the counterbalance concept his entire life. In fact, I know Mario is always expecting it — he’s anticipating it and always preparing for it.  In Mario’s words, “Giving up is easy.  You need time. You need staying power. You need to keep going when things get hard.”

I agree with Mario. And I agree with Brianne, too. “Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life” …truly is bullshit. Life’s counterweight is real.

How you prepare for it and how you respond to it is what ultimately determines the arc of your story. It defines who you are.

- RW

--> This essay is part of a series published in collaboration with The Western Writers League. Take a few minutes to explore my peers’s work as well.

The Steelhead Bath by Chris Corbin

How To Keep Going On Your Side Project When Things Get Hard by Mario Schulzke

In culture, Leadership, Leading Creatives, Mindset, turnover, Work Life Tags worklife, company culture, work/life, work-life, work-life balance, start-up, start-ups, taking breaks, breaktime, break time, leadership, popsicles, walks, creative work, creatives, leading creatives, meditation, downtime, performance, health, high function, creativity, motivation, mindset, productivity, onsen, onsens, soak, soaking, stress, exhaustion, burnout, culture, nurture theory, marmoset, ryan wines, magic popsicles, japan, kai onsen resort, kai onsen, nikko japan, Lake Chuzenji, work, workplace culture, Creativity, Startu, Leadership, Work Life Balance, Work #worklife #companyculture #startups #creatives #creativeleadership #nurturetheory #worklifeintegration #worklifebalance #breaks #takingbreaks #magicpopsicles #health #healthandhighfunction #creativesolutions #startup #startupculture #worklife #work-life #creativity #productivity #startup #leadership #nurturetheory
2 Comments

Magic Popsicles and the Importance of Taking Breaks

August 9, 2019 Ryan Wines

Magic Popsicles and the Importance of Taking Breaks

A version of this essay was originally published by Forbes.com on August 8th, 2019

My family and I recently enjoyed three nights at a Japanese onsen resort on the bank of Lake Chuzenji, tucked away in the mountains of Nikko National Park, Japan. This onsen, and others like it, exist because of the natural hot springs in the region. The water from these hot springs — which has long been believed to have healing and rejuvenating properties — is piped into pools for resort guests to enjoy. These pools are known as onsens.

Lake Chuzenji, Nikko National Park, Japan

Lake Chuzenji, Nikko National Park, Japan

Steeped in tradition, Kai Nikko is a place where people go to rest, relax and rejuvenate in the water from the hot springs. I was deeply struck by how simple and minimal the place was — yet so beautifully ornate and full of meaning. The pace is intentionally slow, and the vibe is wonderfully quiet, contemplative and mellow. 

Upon arrival, they showed us where to store our shoes and gave us a yukata and sandals to wear for the duration of our stay. The pace is intentionally slow and the vibe is wonderfully quiet, contemplative and mellow throughout the resort.

Kai Nikko Resort, at Lake Chuzenji, Japan

Kai Nikko Resort, at Lake Chuzenji, Japan

While staying at the resort, we enjoyed the ritual of visiting the onsens three times a day, for 10 minutes at a time, each occasion providing a welcome break in the day. There’s something special about a ritual of interrupting the day to soak, rest, be quiet and delve into a relaxed, meditative self-care experience. It really spoke to me — it was so simple, yet such a powerful experience. And at the same time, it was such a foreign concept to our daily lives back home.

Typically onsens have gender separated soaking pools, sometimes indoors and sometimes outdoors, highlighting unique Japanese design aesthetics. The pools are about two feet deep and vary in style and design. I was surprised to learn people traditionally soak for only about ten minutes at a time. Custom also dictates a quiet, almost meditative kind of experience. No devices. No talking. No splashing around. Just a time to relax and be still.

An onsen at Kai Nikko Resort at Lake Chuzenji, Japan

An onsen at Kai Nikko Resort at Lake Chuzenji, Japan

This particular onsen includes a surprise for guests in its lounge area outside the dressing rooms. Adjacent to the giant pastel-colored beanbag chairs that are scattered about on a slightly elevated platform is a small, unassuming wood-paneled freezer full of popsicles. I’ll never forget that little freezer of popsicles. 

As I peeled the plastic wrapper off, holding the small wooden stick in my hand, I fell back into an oversized beanbag chair. For a moment, I was in a dreamy, childlike state, and I wasn’t alone. As I looked around, I saw people of every kind — children, parents and even seniors — all reclining in beanbags while enjoying a popsicle with pure delight on their faces. So many smiles. So much joy.

Reflecting on the experience, it would’ve been too easy for people to exit the pools and just return to their busy days. But the resort has created an unexpected opportunity with the beanbag chairs and popsicles. It’s as if they created a portal to a magical place where busy, focused, highly productive adults rarely venture.  

The freezer full of Magic Popsicles at Kai Onsen resort in Japan.

The freezer full of Magic Popsicles at Kai Onsen resort in Japan.

The magic popsicles call out, like sirens to Ulysses, beckoning passersby to slow down, sink deep into the chairs and do nothing but enjoy a simple treat. Somewhere amidst the simplest of life’s experiences, I discovered a little something for my soul. And maybe a life lesson for all leaders and high achievers.

Consider this: How often do you go for a midday soak in a pool? How often do you sink deep into a comfy chair to enjoy a popsicle? How often do get up from your desk to create a little break in the day? What’s holding you back? What’s the story you’re telling yourself? 

According to Psychology Today, “working for long stretches without breaks leads to stress and exhaustion.” When I stop to think deeply about it, I wonder if maybe we’ve all gone mad. I traveled halfway around the world to experience the revelation of a 10-minute midday soak. I crossed more than half a dozen time zones to encounter a freezer of popsicles. I don’t think it should be this hard. 

As I type this, the sun beckons me to step outside and take a short walk to a juice truck parked down the street. When I quiet my mind, I notice a subtle, mysterious force reaching out to me and encouraging me to take a little time amidst my busy day to unplug and reset. Time to walk. Time to sit and be still. Time to close my eyes and daydream. 

When’s the last time you intentionally daydreamed? What’s stopping you?

Why do we sit at our desks so much, staring into glowing screens? Why do we let bottomless email inboxes give us stress and hold us hostage? Why do we hold so tightly to our cell phones all day? Why does it seem impossible to take a break and go for a short walk? Why does a popsicle break sound so ridiculous?

More importantly, what if we didn’t live this way? Are we evolving or are we devolving? What if we made more time for walks, soaks and popsicles? How might it impact the quality of our work? How might it improve the quality of our lives? 

One writer summarized the benefits of taking breaks in this Scientific American article: “Downtime replenishes the brain’s stores of attention and motivation, encourages productivity and creativity, and is essential to both achieve our highest levels of performance and simply form stable memories in everyday life. … Moments of respite may even be necessary to keep one’s moral compass in working order and maintain a sense of self.”

I have two hourglasses in my office: a big one and a small one. The big one lasts for 30 minutes, and I’ve found that most projects and meetings can be accomplished in 30 or 60-minute intervals. The hourglass provides a tangible, visual gauge of how much time I have to work with. Sometimes I game-ify things, hustling to accomplish my work before the sand runs out, which always feels good. The smaller hourglass lasts for 10 minutes — the perfect length of time for a short break between tasks.

So how can you get started on incorporating more downtime into your day? I’ve found that establishing a regular time on the calendar (with a reminder alert) for a daily walk can create a reliable structure and rhythm to lean into. It’s also helpful to have an accountability partner, a colleague or perhaps a friend, along with a regular destination, like a juice truck or a cafe, to help create a daily ritual. Once it becomes a ritual, it can evolve into something habitual — and that’s when it sticks. That’s when transformation can happen.

I also have a colleague who set-up a #Meditation channel on our company’s Slack app. Periodically whenever anyone is feeling that internal call to disconnect and reset, someone will post an invitation to the channel and organize a little impromptu 10-20 minute meditation session. Everyone is welcome and anyone can join, and I’ve found sometimes there’s an added human/spiritual effect by doing it with a small group of friends or colleagues. We’ve got a couple places around the office quiet enough for meditation, in addition to one dedicated medication/yoga/stretching area, outfitted with mats, bolsters and poufs for folks to use.

As you can see, there’s many different possibilities for low impact, easy to access opportunities for breaks — which when you think deeper out it, these are actually daily opportunities for improved health, increased performance, growth and transformation. 

I also just ordered a small freezer for the office. It’s big enough for about 100 popsicles.

-RW


A version of this essay was originally published by Forbes.com on August 8th, 2019

--> This essay is part of a series published in collaboration with The Western Writers League. Take a few minutes to explore my peers’s work as well.

I Have Flaws by Chris Corbin

Disclaimer: My Life Is Not Perfect by Mario Schulzke

Keywords: worklife , company culture, work/life , work-life , work-life balance , start-up , start-ups , taking breaks , breaktime , break time , leadership , popsicles , walks , creative work , creatives , leadership , leading creatives , meditation , downtime , performance , health , high function , creativity , motivation , mindset , productivity , onsen , onsens , soak, soaking , stress , exhaustion , burnout , culture , nurture theory , marmoset , ryan wines , magic popsicles , japan , kai onsen resort , kai onsen , nikko japan, Lake Chuzenji, work , workplace culture , Creativity , Startu , Leadership , Work Life Balance , Work #worklife #companyculture #startups #creatives #creativeleadership #nurturetheory #worklifeintegration #worklifebalance #breaks #takingbreaks #magicpopsicles #health #healthandhighfunction #creativesolutions #startup #startupculture #worklife #work-life #creativity #productivity #startup #leadership #meditation #nurturetheory

In culture, Work Life, Leadership, Mindset, Healthy Work Habits Tags nurture theory, popsicles, taking breaks, the importance of taking breaks, forbes.com, forbes, culture, start-up culture, workplace morale, workplace culture, worklife, work-life, work/life, hourglass, productivity, breaks, scientific american, downtime, creativity, motivation, performance, moral compass, quality of life, daydream, work stress, workplace stress, glowing screens, take a break and go for a short walk, psychology today, exhaustion, 10-minute break, onsen, onsens, japan, kai onsen, yukata, contemplative, meditative, self care, self-care, rest, be quiet, kai nikko, rejuvenate, Nikko National Park, Nikko, Lake Chuzenji, Japanese onsen resort, onsen resort, pools, create a daily ritual, habitual, improved health, increased performance, growth, transformation, mario schulzke, chris corbin, western writers league, Keywords: worklife, company culture, work-life balance, start-up, start-ups, breaktime, break time, leadership, walks, creative work, creatives, leading creatives, meditation, health, high function, mindset, soak, soaking, stress, burnout, marmoset, ryan wines, magic popsicles, kai onsen resort, nikko japan, work
Comment

 © Copyright 2019  // Nurture Theory //   All rights reserved.