How To Wake-up From The Matrix

As I type this, I’m on a three-day solo retreat in the Columbia River Gorge. It’s an annual ritual I’ve developed over the years to find some space, reflect, reset and redefine my habits, goals and intentions for the year ahead. 

In other words, it’s how I wake-up from The Matrix – the mindless trance most of us are trapped inside of, due to a constant deluge of inputs, feeds, streams and the nonstop stimulus to our souls. Thanks to works like Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport, I’ve become acutely aware of how humans aren’t good at slowing down, being quiet and embracing the wonders of solitude. Some have even argued solitude is becoming extinct. 

To be clear, taking long walks with your earbuds in isn’t solitude. Long drives while listening to music, podcasts or audiobooks isn’t solitude either. Spending a lazy Saturday afternoon alone on the couch while binge-watching Friends or soccer isn’t solitude. Enjoyable? Sure. Solitude? No way. 

Solitude is best defined as “freedom from inputs from other minds.” Props to Georgetown University Professor and leading thinker on minimalism, Cal Newport, for distilling it. In his research, Newport discovered regular doses of solitude are crucial for the effective and resilient functioning of your brain. 

During my annual retreat ritual, I block out all possible distractions and inputs, reflecting and thinking deeply about who I am, who I want to be, and getting clear about what really matters. I do some pen-to-paper exercises around what worked and what didn’t work during the past year. Perhaps you’ve heard of the “Start/Stop/Continue” framework? Just as important as finding some big, game-changing ideas, it’s equally important to look for opportunities to say no and simply create more open space…to think. 

While on retreats I prioritize sleep, I run and hike and soak or perhaps get a massage. It’s quiet time. Alone time. Solitude. It’s a rare opportunity to slow down, look out at the horizon and think deeply. 

I also try to build-in smaller, abbreviated versions of this practice during my regular days and weeks – and that’s helpful too. But it’s not the same. Three solid days away provides the ideal situation for me to go deep. Perhaps it’s not too different from Bill Gates “Think Weeks.” 

We aren’t really using our brains while we’re receiving all those inputs – and we’re practically getting them 24/7. Believe it or not, you’re not getting that much smarter while doing all that reading, podcasting, and binge-watching, either. Sure, you’re learning a few things. And perhaps it’s enjoyable. But be honest with yourself – you’re not exactly thinking deeply or wrestling with any of it. 

The real question to ask is, what are you doing with all of the information you’re taking in? What are all of these inputs and information doing for your life? What’s the tangible impact?  Stop lying to yourself. Show me. 

Furthering this modern mental epidemic is what we’re doing in the margins – those little blips of time in between things. I’m talking about virtually anytime we're waiting, in the bathroom, before and after meetings and calls, or perhaps whenever we feel that little buzz in the pocket. Our “margin time” is being mindlessly co-opted by our devices, feeds, news and social media trash. If you feel me, you’re in the matrix. 

To truly flex that supercomputer between your ears, you need solitude. There’s no way around it. 

Quiet. Stillness. No inputs. And most importantly, you need the quiet time and space to consider, contemplate, try-on, and wrestle with ideas, dreams, beliefs, conflicts, and those big, important life questions like “who am I?” and “what do I want to accomplish this year?”

The only way to truly experience real, deep thinking is to turn off all inputs. Period. 

Franciscan monk and author, Richard Rohr, said it best, “In our busy, frenetic world, it’s easy to slip into a mode of living that looks and feels a lot like autopilot. We go through the motions, move through our calendars, and rinse and repeat each day.”

Now stop for a moment and imagine what life could look like if you actually had a plan. Consider what you could achieve if you set clear goals for your year. Think about the impact of having every hour of every day planned and accounted for, as a result of deep thought and intention. 

This doesn’t mean you can’t have a lazy Saturday afternoon binge-watching Friends or watching soccer. Everyone needs a few days like that, no doubt. It just means you’re doing that with intention and it’s part of your plan, not because you mindlessly ended up on the couch because you were feeling burnt-out and saw a meme on Instagram about self care.

A famous person once told me that every day when he wakes up, he sits on the edge of his bed for a minute and contemplates “who am I and what will I accomplish today?” I have to admit, I rolled my eyes when I heard that for the first time.

Then I got a little older and a little grayer.  And now I’ve more or less adopted that daily practice for myself, along with magic mornings. And guess what? It works. It all really works.

There’s many ways to do this kind of work. My mentor, Mario Schulzke, has a 600 square-foot log cabin in deep, rural Montana. Nothing fancy. No electricity. No running water.  The only possible distractions are weather and bears. That’s solitude. Another mentor of mine, Chris Corbin, has an old Toyota pickup truck and pulls a simple fiberglass row boat behind it. Nothing fancy. And wherever he floats, he finds solitude, and thinks deeply about life, love, work… and bull trout.

Solitude provides the opportunity for deep thought, critical thinking and resilient brain function. Which allows for the forging of one’s own beliefs, intentions and specific plans. Followed by healthy habits and steady practice, leads to action. Which leads to impact. Which leads to meaning and feelings of joy and gratitude. Which wakes you up from the matrix. 

RW

The Mirror of Truth

German poet Johann Wolfgang von Goethe famously said “Tell me with whom you consort with and I will tell you who you are. ” While insightful and thought provoking, it’s also perhaps a little too simple for today’s modern world. Given Goethe was born in 1749, it’s reasonable to believe people were the main influence back then.

In modern living however, what informs “who we are” can be a bit more complex. I gave a TED Talk a few years back about leading creatives and have continued my study of the modern creative professional ever since. 

My 2022 adaptation of Goethe’s concept expands to include today’s three most important human tells:

1. Inputs

2. People

3. Time

Show me your inputs – the information, media and entertainment you consume. Then show me the people you spend most of your time with (thank you, Goethe). Next account for how you spend your time each day. When analyzing time, just focus on your free time and downtime – the time you spend outside of work and other necessary responsibilities. It’s best to examine what we do when the choice is 100% ours, lest our work defines us.

Capture every detail, then reflect on it deeply. Look into the mirror and tell me who you see.  If you can objectively and truthfully outline these three realities, you will have an accurate mosaic of who you are – whether you like it or not.

Upon completion of this self-inventory exercise, gather it all into a common document and give yourself some time for contemplation. Ask yourself what’s working and what can be improved. Remember, “garbage in, garbage out.”  (And who cares how many times your grandfather said that to you. Some things are undeniably true.) Then set some simple, actionable goals for what you want this inventory to look like by this time next year.  

As Seneca brilliantly said, roughly around 50 AD: 

“It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it. Life is long enough, and a sufficiently generous amount has been given to us for the highest achievements if it were all well invested… So it is: we are not given a short life but we make it short, and we are not ill-supplied but wasteful of it… Life is long if you know how to use it.” 

I quit playing video games years ago because it scared me how quickly time passed while playing them. Now I’m so neurotic I try to read audio books… while exercising… while taking notes and cataloging ideas. Good? Bad? Who knows? Watching sports is my time waster these days.

Everyone in the history of humankind has exactly the same number of hours in a day to be great… or to be average. The choice is yours. Everyone gets to decide what we consume, who we spend our time with, and what we do with our time. In this, each of us ultimately decides who we are and what’s possible.

And then we die. Memento Mori, Amor Fati.

RW

Get out of your head. How to separate facts from fiction to make better decisions.

A version of this essay was originally published by Forbes.com on May 4th, 2020.

Storytelling

I’ve become increasingly aware of a challenge facing leaders today: storytelling. And I’m not talking about the kind of storytelling families and cultures use to pass down history and traditions -- nor do I mean storytelling contemporary creatives use to cultivate connection and meaning for brands. I'm talking about internal storytelling — the unconscious fiction humans make up when faced with challenges, conflict and important matters. 

A tell-tale sign is seeing someone stuck in “analysis paralysis” — a term you’re surely familiar with. Observing closely, you’ll notice their time is spent worrying about the many ways things could go wrong. These internal stories are typically grounded in what-if’s and hypotheticals and future possibilities, rather than present facts. In these moments, humans get stuck in their limbic system, the part of the brain that runs on emotions and survival instincts, rather than the neocortex, where logic, rational decision-making, focus, and emotional control originates. 

Researcher and author Brené Brown coined a concept for this: “Shitty First Draft.”  She explains when something triggers our emotions, our unconscious brains tend to manufacture internal stories -- our brain’s instinctual attempt to process what’s happening. These stories are often one-sided worst-case scenarios and seldom contain the full truth. Brown suggests, in the absence of having a crystal ball, we make up stories to anticipate how things might go.

It all stems from a self-protective survival instinct our caveman ancestors relied on to avoid being eaten by sabertooth-tigers. These instincts rarely serve us today, yet our brains still make-up stories that magnify our fears and anxieties, contributing to our own dysfunction.  Brené Brown has popularized a reality checking tool, using the phrase “the story I’m telling myself…” to check one’s assumptions by practicing personal curiosity and reflection. 

Observation vs Evaluation

Another helpful tool is by psychologist, Marshall Rosenburg, who created a brilliant framework in the 1960’s known as, Nonviolent Communication, which is based on learning "to clarify what we are observing, what emotions we are feeling, what values we want to live by, and what we want to ask of ourselves and others."

Observations are things you can literally observe, ideally using one or more of your five senses — see, hear, touch, taste, smell. Observations are verifiable facts, and in their purest form, are free of bias, beliefs, judgments or attached meaning. Evaluations are the result of taking our observations and running them through a filter of emotions, feelings and beliefs, experiences, knowledge — essentially running the facts through a person's highly personal, highly individualized CPU (central processing unit).

Evaluations are also what sets human beings apart from virtually every other living thing, giving us the unique ability to understand and think critically, integrating our emotions, feelings, memory and experiences with our thoughts and decision making.

As a leader, I've found I'm at my best when separating observations (facts) from evaluations (stories). For example, you may see a data point in a presentation and quickly jump to analysis, creating stories about it. Not so fast. Wise leaders keep analyses in check, grounding conversations first around the facts, which usually makes buy-in and alignment with colleagues easier. There's always time to seek analysis and opinions later — but first, it's best to get clear and aligned on the facts.

“Wise leaders keep analyses in check, grounding conversations first around the facts, which usually makes buy-in and alignment with colleagues easier. There's always time to seek analysis and opinions later — but first, it's best to get clear and aligned on the facts.”

The Observing Eye vs The Perceiving Eye

“Observation and perception are two separate things; the observing eye is stronger, the perceiving eye is weaker,” said Miyamoto Musashi. Possibly the greatest Japanese Samurai to ever live, he won countless fights against feared opponents, even multiple opponents, in which he was swordless. Born in 1584 and author of The Book of Five Rings, he taught there are two ways to see the world: with the observing eye and the perceiving eye. Observation focuses attention on truth and what is actually happening in the present moment. 

The perceiving eye, however, sees much more than just the facts. Perception dovetails other information with the facts, like experiences, preferences, emotions, personal beliefs and values. The perceiving eye paints the facts with one’s own personal colors, sometimes commingling our fears and worst case scenarios with what’s real. Mark Twain famously said, “Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.”

What is true?

When faced with any challenge, opportunity or important matter, the first step should always be to remove feelings, bias and analysis from the equation. Approach things as if you're running a highly scientific lab experiment where accuracy and fact-finding are paramount. Ask yourself: What is true? What is absolutely true? 

This reminds me of author Byron Katie and her belief that most human suffering comes from believing our own stressful thoughts. She’s found most stress and pain is rooted in the stories we create in our minds -- the fears and hypothetical scenarios we spend so much time spinning out on. What if we spent equal time considering best case scenarios, along with the worst?

“Most human suffering comes from believing our own stressful thoughts.” — Byron Katie

What if there was a way to actually turn off our internal storytelling? What if we could actually turn the storytelling off? I've worked on this within myself and found a daily meditation practice can help turn it off, or at least turn it down. Only when I regularly spent time alone with my thoughts could I truly understand what my thoughts are, where they come from and what they're good for. (Michael Singer’s book, The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself, was helpful too.)

Good? Bad? Who Knows?

It's human nature to unconsciously turn everything into a binary decision: Is it good or bad? But what if everything we encounter didn't have to be evaluated as good or bad? What if we were open to the possibility that any experience could be good, bad or an infinite range of possibilities in between? What if we could all agree that no experience, situation or scenario is all good or all bad?

There's an ancient story of a Chinese farmer that really drives this home. In my peer mentor group of CEOs, we've reflected on this story more frequently over the past few weeks, amid the global crisis. If you have three minutes, watch it here. It may be the best three minutes you spend today.

Spoiler alert: The farmer stays neutral and open. He avoids binary traps and doesn't rush to analysis about whether a current situation is good or bad. Instead, he's open to infinite possibilities, knowing it may take years to truly discern and understand something.

"The ability to observe without evaluating is the highest form of human intelligence." — Jiddu Krishnamurti 

Indian philosopher Jiddu Krishnamurti surmised: "The ability to observe without evaluating is the highest form of human intelligence." I couldn't agree more. Leaders make better decisions when adept at separating facts from fiction, when we're mindful of internal storytelling, and when we stay grounded, centered and open to infinite possibilities.

RW

A version of this essay was originally published by Forbes.com on May 4th, 2020.

*This is yet another essay in-part inspired by my friends Mario and Chris — please check out their work too. We believe the process of public writing helps us learn, grow and improves our lives too. We call ourselves the Western Writers League and someday we might make hats with a cool logo.

Five Principles For Leading During A Global Crisis

A version of this essay was originally published by Forbes.com on April 13th, 2020.

Leading amid a global crisis requires a very specific skill set. First, one has to find a way to stay centered and clear, mentally healthy and strong. Then comes the hardest part: one has to be 100% focused on the most important thing — whatever that may be for you, in your business. Here are five principles to help leaders do just that.

Principle 1: Differentiate between what you can and cannot control.

During a global crisis, the biggest factors are usually outside of your control. Rather than fixate on the newest statistics from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or the latest dips in the stock market, try focusing on what you can control. What’s your cash position? Operating expense ratio? Days sales outstanding? Quick ratio? How many client interactions has your team had this week? Have you modeled or re-forecasted to prepare for the unknown?

Do a SWOT analysis for your company. Then, cross off everything that’s outside of your control. This should illuminate where to focus your energy.

Principle 2: Protect your mind.

“Where your awareness goes, your energy flows” is a concept I learned from the Hindu priest Dandapani. He explained that every day we have a finite amount of time and energy. Every moment you spend staring at your iPhone and surfing the web, fixated on your favorite news sites, and refreshing your Instagram feed, is time you’re not spending working on your most important thing — time you’re not spending protecting your company. It’s not healthy.

“Where your awareness goes, your energy flows” — Dandapani

Here are two tips for how to safeguard your mind:

• Use your smartphone to set limits for your internet, news, entertainment and social media use. Block specific websites you may have a hard time avoiding. And if you want to get really crazy, you can turn your screen to Grayscale, so it’s less exciting to look at. Remember, these devices are designed to distract you.

• Don’t start or end your day reading the news. Research proves it can be bad for mental health, productivity and it can inhibit happiness — especially during a global crisis.

Many successful people throughout history and today people begin their days with intentional morning routines. Exercising, reading, journaling, praying or meditating, doing yoga, hydrating and eating a healthy meal are the core components on almost every list. Need help getting started? Check out Hal Elrod’s The Miracle Morning for a framework.

That said, most concerned human beings want to know what’s going on in the world. I get it. Try giving yourself 30 minutes in the middle of the day to catch up on news, and limit yourself to only two or three sources so you’re not endlessly surfing the internet.

Principle 3: Know the difference between facts and analysis.

“Today I escaped from the crush of circumstances, or better put, I threw them out, for the crush wasn’t from outside of me but in my own assumptions.” — Marcus Aurelius

Believe it or not, news headlines cannot ruin your day. Similarly, your email inbox cannot overwhelm you. These are external things that don’t actually have access to your thoughts. They cannot control your mind, nor can they control what you think or how you act. Those emotions you feel, as real as they are, come from within you — not from anywhere else.

“Believe it or not, news headlines cannot ruin your day… These are external things that don’t actually have access to your thoughts. They cannot control your mind, nor can they control what you think or how you act.”

Author Byron Katie explains that pain and suffering abound when we believe our stressful thoughts. Before believing the story you tell yourself, ask whether it’s true. Is it observable? Is it absolutely, without a doubt, true?

The human mind manufactures endless stories, analyses and conclusions all day long. If you choose to believe all of it, that’s on you. You can’t blame external factors for the way you feel and the thoughts you think.

The next time your mind spins out or your emotions crash over you, ask what is true. Seek out the facts. Set your internal theories and analyses aside for a moment, and be objective, like a scientist in a lab. What’s true? What is undeniably factual?

Similarly, be on guard for the stories and analyses of others too. Since the beginning of the current global crisis, my phone has constantly blown up with links, posts, videos, and wild stories from friends and social media. There’s an unusually high number of fear-mongers today, many of whom manufacture every type and variety of worst-case scenario available. Fear sells. It hijacks our emotions, steals our attention and wastes our time. Be on the lookout for facts commingled with stories.

We choose our perceptions, our stories, our commentary and our analysis. We create them or borrow them from others. We choose how we see something and how we react to something. We choose what we believe. When we become aware of our choice in these things, we gain freedom and power.

Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication framework does a wonderful job of presenting the difference between observable facts and analysis/evaluation.

Principle 4: Find peer mentors and confer with them often.

The global crisis has been plenty isolating. Make time to connect with your peer mentors often. Use Zoom, Google Hangouts, FaceTime or whatever works best for you. It’s critical to “meet” more frequently during these times. Pay no mind to your camera quality — what matters is actually seeing each other’s faces, speaking candidly, sharing experiences and encouraging one another.

Business groups like the Entrepreneurs’ Organization (of which I’m a member) and the Young Presidents’ Organization foster peer mentorship. These organizations have something called forums — small groups for sharing experiences, accountability and support. I have a forum composed of seven of the most brilliant business minds in my world. Since the onset of the current global crisis, we “meet” weekly, knowing that in these challenging times, we must draw closer and lean into one another more often.

And give that classic “Man in the Arena” speech by Teddy Roosevelt another read. During a time of crisis leaders really have to tune-out the haters and nay sayers. It’s a time to truly lean into your peers, other leaders, especially those with similar skin in the game, peers who are actually in the arena of leadership and have experience leading in challenging times, making tough calls that impact dozens of people. 

Thank you, Brené Brown for bringing this back to the mainstream. This talk is brilliant.

Principle 5: Default to action.

Under normal circumstances, it’s perfectly fine, and often better, to take more time in making big decisions. During a global crisis however, acting slowly can mean bleeding cash and, ultimately, death for a business. As you read this, businesses in retail, hospitality, travel and other industries are going from healthy financials to the dead zone in a matter of days. For leaders, taking too long to reduce expenses can mean bankruptcy. In a crisis like this one, it’s critical to know your vital signs and act swiftly. And remember — a reduction in a critical expense line can be a temporary thing  —  something to help your company weather a storm. 

The principle of defaulting to action applies beyond just managing a company’s vital signs. During a crisis, it’s critical to move a little faster and be a little more action-oriented in everything you do. Do you have some critical moves you’ve been meaning to make in your business? Maybe you have a big personnel move you’ve been planning for? Is there an innovation or a new capability that needs an extra push to get it launched? Default to action. Get out of your head, stop waiting, and just do it. You can always iterate, change course or optimize as you go. But those who get caught in a crisis like a deer in headlights run the risk of getting passed by competitors who see crisis as an opportunity. As Amelia Earhart famously said, “The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do.“

“The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do.“ — Amelia Earhart

A crisis can be a defining moment for leaders. In these times, it’s critical to not spend too much time in your own head. Practice these principles to stay centered, focus only on what you can control, separate facts from analysis and default to action whenever possible.

RW

A version of this essay was originally published by Forbes.com on April 13th, 2020.

*This is yet another essay in-part inspired by my friends Mario and Chris — please check out their work too. We believe the process of public writing helps us learn, grow and improves our lives too. We call ourselves the Western Writers League and someday we might make hats with a fun logo.